Dear Tigger,

You will be gone for a year on Tuesday. I can’t believe it. I find myself forgetting the sound of your purr and the way your fur felt as I ran my fingers through it. I can’t remember the exact color of your eyes. What I do remember is how much I absolutely love you, even after you’re gone. I remember how you would cuddle with me on a bad day, the look you’d give me when I was sad, and the way things never seemed as awful as long as you were around. 

It’s been a long and difficult year without you. I went through absolute hell. And I made some mistakes that I’m not proud of. I haven’t forgiven myself yet Tigger, and I know I need to. I was given a major reality check tonight and it hurts. It hurts because I know it’s true. I need to learn to let go. I need to learn to forgive myself, because by not doing so I’m not only hurting myself but others as well. I didn’t even know I was doing it. It was unintentional, but yet I still hurt a person I deeply care about. 

I’ve cried over the initial mistake a million times, and now I’ve cried over the ripple effect I have unknowingly created. I need to let it go. I need to free myself of this pain. What do I hope to gain from holding onto the hurt I’ve caused? I’ve been forgiven by the person I hurt, so why can’t I forgive myself? 

I don’t like making mistakes. I don’t like knowing I was wrong. You know as well as I do that I’m a perfectionist Tig. I strive to be perfect at everything in life, but let’s face it: I’m only human. I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to fail at things. Still…I fear that I won’t be loved unless I am perfect. I know it doesn’t make sense. No one is perfect, and by trying to be perfect, I’m setting myself up for failure. I can never obtain what I want, so I will always be disappointed in who I am…Unless I change.

Change is hard though. I can’t change overnight. I’ve spent the better part of my life cultivating these ideas. I know what I have to do, but how do I do it? I suppose this is the first step. At least I know what the problem is now, and I can work to solve it. 

I wish you were here Tigger. You may not have been able to give me the answers, but at least you’d be there with unconditional love. It never mattered to you what I did. You overlooked my faults and saw beyond my problems. I think you were able to see straight through me and into my soul. You were part of me—are part of me. And I know you are watching me from Heaven. 

I love you so much Tig, and I will never stop loving you. You may have just been a cat to some, but to me, you were my best friend. I love you Tigger.

First I had a guy come in asking for “grass on a roll”. He meant sod. And this is how our conversation went:

Customer: Yeah, sod, you know what I mean? Yeah! 

Me: Yes…we have sod, sir. Would you like to buy some?

Customer: I got to put grass down on my hill in the yard, you know what I mean? Yeah! It’s 5 feet wide. You know what I mean?

Me: Ok. And how long?

Customer: I got my measuring tape here, I marked the length, you know what I mean. 159 feet. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Me: 159 feet? You mean inches?

Customer: Yeah! You know what I mean?

Me: Yeah…

Customer: So how much for these pieces right here?

Me: It’s $4.99 a roll. So looks like this is about 9 rolls here…that’d be about $50 or so.

Customer: Whoa! That’d take me broke, you know what I mean?! I need a whole big roll of this grass, you know what I mean? Yeah! I could cut it myself, you know what I mean? Save some money. You know what I mean? 

Me: Yeah….

Customer: Yeah, I’m gunna go find a big roll of this stuff. You know what I mean? 

Me: No sir…Not really. 

My next customer was another gentleman looking for some red stone. 

Me: We have them in 50 pound bags, sir.

Customer: How big are these bags? Are they heavy?

Me: Uhhh…they’re 50 pounds.

Customer: I’ll take 6 bags. Can I borrow one of your carts? I just live down the street. I’ll leave my car here, wheel the bags home, and then bring the cart back and get my car. Is that ok?

Me: Uh….yeah? Why can’t you put them in your car?

Customer: I have a little car. I don’t think they’ll fit.

Me: Oooook…

Customer: Hey! I have some of your coupons at my house, can I take the bags home and then come back and settle up?

Me: No!

Customer: Oh….ok.

My last customer wasn’t so much “crazy” as just plain BITCHY. I’ve dealt with her a few times before, and she seems to get worse every time.

Customer: I have a question!

Me: Yes ma’am?

Customer: YOU were here last time I was here!

Me: ….Yes?

Customer: That birdbath is $50! 

Me: The top and bottom are sold separately, ma’am…

Customer: Are you sure? That’s ridiculous. I can get a birdbath at Value View for much cheaper! 

Note: She meant Valley View. Idiot…

I met that person today. She was a customer I had at work. I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I wanted to…..but, to be fair, she was foreign and I don’t think she understood English very well….Or she was just stupid.  

This was our conversation:

Customer: Do you work here?

Me: Yes ma’am, how can I help you?

Customer: This plant, inside?

Me: Uh…what?

Customer: Inside?

Me: Are you asking if the plant can be taken inside?

Customer: Inside, yes?

Me: No. 

Customer: Inside?

Me: No. It’s an aquatic plant. It’s for a pond.

Customer: Inside?

Me: No. Pond. You know? Pond?

Customer: Oh. Pond. Inside?

Me: No. Outside.

Customer: So no inside?

Me: No.

Customer: Outside?

Me: Yes, outside. In a pond. Do you have a pond, ma’am?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Then put it in there.

Customer: Inside or outside?

Me: I’m sorry?

Customer: Inside?

Me: No….

Customer: Will it die in summer outside?

Me: No ma’am.

Customer: No die in summer. Are you sure?

Me: It…it is summer, ma’am.

Customer: Winter.

Me: Yes, in winter it will die.

Customer: Inside?

Me: No. It will die. 

Customer: Even inside?

Me: Especially inside. 

Customer: So I can’t take inside?

Me: Not unless you want a dead plant, ma’am.

Customer: I’ll take. Inside?

And that’s when I walked away. Sometimes, there’s just no reasoning with people. ;)

I’m not sure what it is about today, but the crazies are coming out in hordes. And for whatever reason, they all seem to be attracted to me. 

A lady called this morning and said she had stopped by yesterday but we were sold out of manure. She wanted to know if we had gotten any in. 

Me: Since yesterday? No ma’am, we’re still sold out. We have to wait until we sell out of more items before we can place an order, so it might be awhile.

Customer: Well do you think you’ll have any tomorrow?

Me: No ma’am. We won’t have any Saturday or Sunday either.

No sooner had I gotten off the phone with that crazy than another one called. This one had bought pond liner and thought she was overcharged. The more I talked to her, the more I realized how stupid she truly was.

Customer: I thought liner was 95 cents a square foot. So I should have only been charged $15, not $150. I have 15 square feet.

Me: No ma’am, you actually have 150 square feet.

Customer: But I got 15 feet by 10, so that’s 15 square feet.

Me: No, that’s 150, ma’am.

Customer: How are you figuring that out?

Me: It’s length times width, ma’am.

Customer: I still don’t understand.

Me: You got 15 feet by 10 feet. 15 times 10 is 150 square feet.

Customer: I still think that’s wrong

Me: It’s basic math, ma’am.